*SIGNS OF A FAILING/FAILED MARRIAGE*
Adéọlá R. Òyénúgà Esq.
For those who believe in monogamous fidelity or some sort of romantic faithfulness then the message below works for you. For those who keep open relationships or believe rather in polyamory, polyandry or polygamy, it’s not necessarily useful except for general information purposes. Although this writer still maintains that the foundations of monogamy in today’s society are not mostly well laid for it to be practical and successful.
These are the signs of a failing/failed marriage:
1. No More/Less Love/Affection: Both or one of the partners lose that “butterflies in my belly” feeling they got while asking the person out or when the marriage was fresh and the going was good.
2. Less Communication/More Disagreements: In a good marriage the partners are not just married but very good friends too. They always find new and interesting things to talk about. But when it is the reverse, they either don’t talk enough with themselves, which means they will begin talking to other people (emotional adultery) or they keep having more arguments or disagreements. They will seek that comfort with others.
3. They Spend Less Time Together And Don’t Engage in Fun Activities as a Couple: So they don’t spend time laughing and playing. Less romantic moments, less sex, less self-less sacrifices and less of petty lovers squabbles. As ironic as it may seem but petty squabbles are sometimes good indicators of active love. When couples don’t do it anymore then one or both is/are no longer carrying the torch for the other.
4. Suspicion: One/each of them tend to suspect almost everything and anything being done in and around the relationship. This leads to growing insecurity. Now when a partner becomes unsure of the other, it means he/she has stopped or will feel he/she does not or never truly knew who the other person was or is. Generally when we are not sure or don’t know a thing we often tend to not like that thing, so we avoid it as much as possible.
5. More Secrets: Then more secrets are kept from the other due to lack of trust. Marriage is actually partnership business but with every other perks in-between. A/all partner(s) must always make full disclosure. When this fails, marriage almost certainly will fail. Full disclosures will become unnecessary where sometimes the truth will ruin things. Sometimes you can’t tell all. But it is always wisest to reveal everything beforehand (while courting/before marriage). If you can’t, your marriage will likely fail and if it doesn’t then be very careful with the truth and how or if you reveal it.
6. Lack of Respect: for there to be respect in any relationship, romantic or not, the other partner(s) must be able to come to the table with something equal or respectable enough. When for instance one is contributing more than the other all the time, no matter the amount of love that contributor has for the other, the respect will never be 100% unless the other is making good contributions in some way(s). This applies to men and women.
7. Adultery: Once a partner begins to sleep around then the marriage is dying or practically dead. Some partners sleep around or mess around and still love their other half yet only do it just for flimsy fun and nothing more. Nevertheless things usually get intimate if a cheating partner finds someone else who is satisfying him/her better than their original partner. So, it usually goes downhill from here.
8. Therapy Isn’t Working: Common relationship problems often lead couples to go to counselling, but even the best intentions may leave such spouses feeling resentful and frustrated. If the spouses are in love but just can’t seem to get along no matter what they do, it may be a sign that such marriage is crashing to a halt.
9. Physical Fights: This is the height of a failed marriage. If it begins or has gotten to this point, it has failed. Some couples remain married even at this point but the marriage has failed. It takes a lot to go back and correct things from here. It is almost impossible but it is doable. However, some partners get excited by abusive lovers. So sometimes when some couples fight, don’t be quick to adjudge the marriage as failed, the excitement or wildness of it all may be all the kick they need to get their erotic highs.
10. Separate Plans: Each or one of both plan their/his/her life separately without the other in it.
11. No Compromise: If a partner cannot give ground for the other or for anything that would be mutually or generally beneficial, then the deed is done!
Adéọlá Òyénúgà is a Legal Practitioner and Relationship Expert with special training in Alternative Dispute Resolution and counselling
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
The opinions expressed except where they originate from benudechukwu.com, represent the views of such authors. BENUDECHUKWU.COM shall not be held liable for such personal views as canvassed.
